Now is not the time...

So it's been a while....

I thought it might make interesting reading to have me track my Whole30 experience. But it's been about as interesting as watching hair grow. Don't get me wrong - it hasn't been too tough.  I am sticking to it - no problem at all.  I feel very healthy, no tummy troubles to report. And I did get over my eternally grumpy phase and into the 'EVERYTHING IS SO SHINY! OMG - THAT'S A FRICKING UNICORN!!!!' phase.... for one day.  

And on that one day I did a crazy Crossfit workout with energy to spare.  I felt invincible! There was a spring in my step, the world was my oyster blah-di-blah.  I went to school-for-monkeys that night thinking 'you know what, I am going to do the hell out of all our practical work in the gym'. And so I did.  After completing 120 backsquats with a 30kg load earlier in the day (plus around 40 half-arsed handstand push-ups and 2kms of rowing in under 9 minutes), I completed another 50 or so reps on the lat pull-down, a few dozen bicep curls, some planks, 50 or so chin-ups and general mucking about with vigour for 2 hours, followed by 250 box jumps.  My partner in the box jumps was recovering from viral bronchitis.  We both exercised to complete exhaustion.  

I came home feeling pretty wrecked.  Went to bed with a headache (dehydrated maybe!?!?!) and woke the next day feeling rough.  The following morning I could barely move.  My chest felt like a Japanese contemplation garden with all the freakin' raking across my lungs....  Needing to be a tough little mother and get through the day with the evil toddlers, I dosed up on cold and flu medicine so I could 'Solider On'.  The following morning I felt worse.  I decided to fill in an old repeat prescription for antibiotics because I 'don't have time to be sick' - certainly no time to wait in a doctors waiting room to be told to go on antibiotics.  I went to work the following day to hack up a lung, to school the next day so I could hack up the other and then finally crashed on Sunday, just before my little boy came down with the same or a similar bug....  

My first thought was 'Great! Now I'm going to be up all night with a sick toddler and I won't be able to go to training. AGAIN.'  But as I watched him fall in and out of sleep (he hasn't had an afternoon nap in almost a year), burning hot, cuddled in my arms, I just melted into my role of nurturer and comforter.  I remembered my real priorities and decided that exercise could wait for now.

I also realised that THIS is how we are supposed to get over a virus.  We are SUPPOSED to feel like a truck has hit us, to expel mucus, to burn a fever, sweat, dribble, ache etc.  Until our body naturally defeats the bug.  The fact that I went for the drugs and struggled to 'push through it' and didn't ask Hot Husband to stay home for a day and help me out was actually about as dumb as eating a box of donuts with a bottle of bourbon on the side (hey - that used to be a healthy snack for me).    

Being healthy is about whole lifestyle - not just what we eat or how hard we work out at the gym.  It's about getting downtime when you need it (not when it's scheduled), it's about dropping expectations sometimes and allowing the natural rhythm of our bodies or our lives to dictate our activity.  

Recently a very strong and fit Australian woman named Denae Brown qualified to go to to LA and compete as an individual in the World Crossfit Games.  She had to withdraw at the last minute because she found out she was pregnant.  I thought to myself 'oh no, she must be devastated that she did all that hard work and didn't get to use it!' but she is absolutely thrilled. She's going to have a  baby.  You forget how exciting that is (she may not be as thrilled when she finds out how much sleep you get in the first three years!). If she can deal with that sort of setback and be over-the-moon then I am sure I can miss a week of my own half-arsed training.  Besides, I have been eating really well and resting my sorry muscles and bones so it's not all that bad.

This last week has been a good lesson for me. I like to think I can control and conquer anything with the right amount of planning and persistence.  But nature can't be tamed. Sometimes it's better to learn to ride the wave instead of getting dumped and eventually drowned by the beast.  

I also learnt that bacon makes everything better.

Fifty Filthy Pinkie Pies

So I am thinking that they should name Saturdays at my affiliate 'The WTF Show'....

Today was 'filthy fifty'... it was akin to having the skin peeled off your face and gently placed back there with love and kindness but with a hint of smirky cruelty.  I am not going to bother listing the details - have a look here. I did NOT do it Rx today - I would have faceplanted in spectacular fashion.

So I was going to report about how Whole30 is going - MWAH! I just saw this picture of Donatella Versace and it FRIGHTENED me!

Anyway.... carry on....

Yes - so I am on Day 6 of Whole30 and I have purposefully not written about the day-to-day feelings and bla bla because I knew it was going to get a little funky. And sure enough it did.

In summary: Yes you can do this. No it's not impossible - nothing is impossible if you have cocaine and willpower (cocaine is paleo). But FARKING HELL we have set ourselves up to be an unhealthy species people!!

I've been reading It Starts With Food and I am now fairly certain that grains, dairy and seed oils are messing up our bodies - I know they certainly have messed me up for years - but I just can't see an exit from this insanity on a global/big picture scale?

I went to my favourite BBQ place for a quick meal on Thursday - I was thinking BBQ wings with a salad, hold the feta.  WELL there is sugar in almost EVERYTHING they serve (sauces, rubs, fries, you name it!).  The salad dressings are made from seed (sunflower) oil.... So I settled on wings without sauce.  A night of stomach cramping had me baffled until I realised that they had also coated the wings in flour...

Why do we need to coat chicken in flour?? Why do we consume so much sugar? How the hell do we get the rest of the world over the line on this??

I guess all you can do is lead by example.  I can tell you that on Day 4/5 I was mad as hell over this issue of not being able to escape crap food while socialising.  I also got particularly tired the last 24 hours but my energy levels have otherwise been generally stable.  My moods are more stable aside from this blog rant (hahaha), my appetite has decreased and switched towards more fresh vegetables, smaller portions and healthier choices on balance.  I don't miss flour. I don't miss sugar. I don't miss dairy.  I did have a dream that a violet crumble bar birthed itself from my belly but that's completely normal, m'kay??

My experiences seem to be on par with what others experience on Whole30 so I'm tracking okay from what I can tell.


Meanwhile, Maddy now has an American accent because she got a My Little Pony called PINKIE PIE who says 'i lurve you mooommmmieeeee'.  I had something similar at her age. Poor kid - if she's following in my footsteps she has a lot of alcohol to consume between ages 14-24. What a burden.

Fight Gone Bad. Is Good.

So today I completed my 46th CrossFit workout.

We were told that 'Fight Gone Bad' was on the menu. And there were two options: Rx (which is the prescribed weight set out for men/women and can be pretty tough) or a modified, easier version.  I chose to give Rx a shot... and it went a little something like this: 5 x 1 minutes rounds - wall ball (14lb), High-pull Sumo Deadlift (25kg), Box jumps (24"), Push press (25kg) and Calorie Row (row for calories, not time) - this is followed by a 1 minute rest.  We did five rounds... normally this workout is only three rounds. I got a score of 308... only to find that an elite crossfitter would get about 450.... IN THREE FREAKIN' ROUNDS! ugh! but I'm very proud of myself for giving it a go and completing it - now I just need to work on stamina and endurance. Bang.

You can find out more about 'Fight Gone Bad' here.

In terms of the iron infusion... I found my strength has improved... I still fatigued though. Surprisingly, my third round was the lowest scoring and I climbed back in fourth and fifth... So maybe my endurance has improved? Hard to tell... I'll keep at it.

Paddy has a habit of being 'contrary' - today he's going for a PB. He told us 'no' when asked a few questions, such as 'have you finished?', or 'would you like to get down from the table?... We then asked ' what's your name, is it Patrick?'... without flinching he said ' No, my name is Madeleine'. It's no wonder I go a bit loopy every day.

Are you yoke-ay? Yes ma'am!

Rather eventful day. Got a buttload of iron. Only cost me a couple of hundred dollars and five hours.

I had the infusion at Cabrini hospital in Melbourne - Day Oncology. Took a while to get the vein thing sorted (I'd be a useless junkie) and then we were off at a blistering pace of bloody slowly. The hydrocortisone went down nicely, as did the iron. Got to a point where I was bouncing off the walls a bit (probably the hydro) and then I started to feel like someone was squeezing every part of my body.... but not in the sexy stranger on a dark tram way.
So now we will see if the extra iron will help me to become the BEAST I hope to be at training. I was reviewing old training notes and I have been all over the place! Hoping Whole30 will support the process too... If not, I could just shave my head and set fire to a religious document for fun.

So on to the yoke joke.... I made my own mayonnaise! No bollocks in it - just egg, lemon juice, olive oil and seeded mustard with salt. I won't lie, it tastes like salty olive lemon egg but I have to mix it with some fud to find out how it goes - who the hell eats mayo out of the jar anyway (okay, some of you probably do, let's not admit that here)...? Not sure why people find it so difficult, but I will say that if I had followed my friend Michelle's advice I would have ended up with 2 litres of the stuff... my recipe said ONE egg, hers SIX.

Finally, I GOT MY COPY OF 'IT STARTS WITH FOOD'! The courier literally threw the box at our front door and the authors mispelt fud but that's okay - I can't wait to read it! I'll be reviewing it here when Paddy isn't yelling at me to either turn off the lights or help him in and out of his superbatman suit.  And then there's Maddy's hair to attend to- probably doesn't help that her brother has been grooming it with salad tongs. I'd show you a pic but in each one she looks at me imploringly saying 'heeelp?!' and I don't need you to judge me for standing around taking hilarious photos of my child when she was clearly in need. Just like I don't want you to know that I giggle when Paddy says 'giney'.
Goodnight.

Whole30.... yikes!

OK so many people ask me what I eat, how did I 'lose weight' (to which I say haven't really lost on the scales but with the measuring tape) etc etc and often they are surprised by what I say.  Partially because eating fat is so taboo, not eating toast for brekky is weird and why did I just eat a square of chocolate when I'm not supposed to eat dairy!?
I've been fine-tuning my approach to eating for about six months now.... Starting with cutting back on sugar and sweeteners, cutting out wheat, reducing dairy, increasing healthy fats and protein and continuing to enjoy lots and lots of veg and some fruit.
However, I do have a life that involves scant amounts of socialising, a fair amount of eating my kids' food off the walls (don't let that sh** go to waste!) and shovelling in this and that between shifts on the homefront (gym-childcare-work-childcare-nightschool-sleep).
Add 'no iron' and you get 'I COULD EAT A HORSE IF IT WOULD JUST GET ME THROUGH THIS BLOODY EXHAUSTING DAY!' and 'PATRICK! STOP PUTTING YOUR FINGER IN YOUR BOTTOM!!' (oops - that was really more of an aside).
So I'm a bit lax a times with my diet choices and I am certain that I eat 'too much' just to maintain energy... so I decided that July would be time to try Whole30.  I won't bore you with exact details - go to the link - but I will say that I am getting a bit nervous.
I'll be giving up milk in my coffee, dark chocolate treats, ice-cream, cheese and a few other nasties that are probably not contributing to my wellbeing (aside from brief moments of lovely enjoyment followed by stinky farts).
So if I seem a little ANGRY in future posts, you'll know why... And if I'm not then you'll know I'm medicating some other way - HA HA! in your FACE blue cheese - i get my high from PETROL now......

Murph and Meat

So this Saturday I met Murph.  I am humbled by Lt Michael Murphy's service to his country and therefore did not say any naughty words as I completed this horrendous workout: 2km row, 300 airsquats, 200 pushups, 100 chin ups, 2km row.
A few points - I did need rubber bands as I am still technically an exercise mong.  Also, I could have chosen to run 3.2km instead of row 4km but then we'd have hell frozen over which is not great for climate change yada yada.  What I found MOST unhelpful was one of the trainers coming over to me and saying 'how many to go?' and me saying '136 push ups' and him saying 'didn't anyone tell you that you should be doing a half-workout because you've not been coming long?'.
Ahhhh let me think (I said to myself), hmmm NO they DIDN'T and this mysterious 'ANYONE' would be YOU Mr Bastardface! Just kidding - his face is not at all bastardy.
I had a choice in that moment and I chose to finish the full workout.... It took me 15 minutes over cut-off but I finished and I was bloody proud of my iron anaemic self too.
I spent the rest of the day sounding like the lyrics from an early Kings of Leon song... I got a massive headache, I couldn't lift my arms without shaking etc etc bla bla first world problems. BUT I also got a few hours out with hot husband (thanks Mum!)! We went down to check out South Wharf (who knew THAT existed?) and went to the Meat Market for dinner.  I was in paleo heaven.  Definitely a place I will visit again.
We ended the night with some drinks at my affiliate's fundraiser where we won a night for two in a boutique hotel (woot woot!)... which nicely offset the parking fine from the wankers at Port Phillip.
All-in-all not a bad one.

Oh the Iron-eee.....

So I've been doing CrossFit for about three months and I must say that a) i am addicted and b) it works. I've never been in such good physical condition. Which is amazing given that my iron is at an all-time low.
In February last year I had a pretty severe spell of depression. I was living in France at the time and I ended up seeing an English-speaking psychotherapist. She was bloody awful but she did have the wisdom to recommend I get my thyroid and my iron levels checked as they are frequently connected to depression.
So I did. My iron was below the threshold for anaemia and without trying to investigate why (perhaps the two caesareans in two years, breastfeeding two babies in two years, history of endometriosis and PCOS etc etc), the French doctor decided that I should just take delicious constipaty iron tablets for six months, bugger off back to the imaginary land I came from and make it all someone else's problem. 
The iron levels climbed slightly and then declined. I was rather tired of black poo so I decided that I wouldn't bother taking the tablets and would try some needles in the bum.  After three in quick succession I found out the iron had actually managed to DEcrease. Ugh.  So next Thursday I am off to Cabrini Day Oncology to get hooked up to an iron IV.
Turns out that it's really bloody hard to do strenuous exercise without any iron. And I've been doing CrossFit 4-6 times a week. So I guess that's why I've called this blog tough little mother. 'Cos I bloody well am.
Have you had your iron checked lately?